Six Million Dollar Woman

Six Million Dollar Woman

Mom had a total right knee replacement on January 29. She was in the hospital for two nights (We had hoped for only one, but it was tough to get her pain under control.) and almost for a third night due to nausea, but she came home on January 31 and has been steadily improving ever since.

As the surgery’s title might imply, a “Total Knee Replacement” is not a fun procedure. We did learn she did get to keep her own knee cap, which is nice.

Mom has had many surgeries over the years, and as with all of them, she has been so tough and so consistent and so brave.

Yet, all of us have a need to sleep, and one night Mom decided trying to balance her need to sleep with her knee pain included a delicate dance of taking a sleeping pill to go with her pain medicine. She only took half of each, so what could possibly go wrong?

What followed was a hilarious night of me live-posting to Buds the awesome “conversations” Mom and I had as I sat in the chair in her bedroom to make sure she didn’t hurt herself as she acted out her vivid dreams.

This post has been approved by Mom.

A sampling of the nighttime of hilarity and lucid dreams:

1) “Mom, what are you doing? You aren’t getting up.”

“No, see, we’re helping a group of kids make long-handled cupcakes, but to make them you have to feel them. (Holds her hand up, rolling her fingers around.) And then just when you feel them you realize some foreign country has made them and you have to figure it all out again.”

2) “Is that your toast, Jennie?
Connie, Beverly?
Is that your toast, Noa?”

3)”Mom, you aren’t getting up.”

“Oh, I’m not. I just keep thinking of things I need to be doing in the refrigerator.”

4)She was moving around one of her pillows and I was trying to help her.

“This is my pillow. MY pillow. My pillow that lasts a lifetime.”

5)She’s just told me she figured out where the tubes of frosting are supposed to go. “I know it’s silly, but I don’t know why Ardis and Jeremy aren’t getting them.”

I told her I’d tell them.

6)”In another area of the arena the pants would come down from the ceiling. Fleeby schemes, kind of like the water pump yesterday. And we tried to get the pants, but the bad guys had more than we did.”

7)Trying to get up again:

“What are you doing, Mom?”

“I’ve got the outfits for the boys. Now I just need to get the ones for the girls.”

“We’re not getting them tonight.”

“I know right where they are!!”

“Okay, well I’ll get them, but we’re not getting them tonight. I need you to lay back down.”

I’m laughing hard and she says, “I know what you’re saying, ‘She’s never taking a pain pill and a sleeping pill again.'”

“That is exactly what I’m saying.”

8)”Try looking behind the garbage. Eggs on top, bro.”

“Uh, oh. Here comes something out.”

“You can’t back in there!! Well, darn! Well, you can, but you can’t get back in there in Ruby shoes and socks.”

9)Moving around like she’s getting up again.

“What do you need, Mom?”

“Nothing. I think my jobs are done.”

“Okay, great.”

Lays back down.

10)”They called me last night.
After Sheila called Cyndy.
Then Cyndy called Sheila.
And Sheila called me.”

11) “You won’t be drinking coffee, not right before surgery.

I mixed up this nice plup of coffee, and I thought, I better gives this to my daughter because I’m not supposed to have coffee right before surgery.

Is that correct?”

12)” Did you give those papers to Jessen to hold?”

13) “Did you make the sound of a goggle over there, Kathy?”

14) “You two get the golden champagne glasses. There’s one in the kitchen for kids, of which I am now a member.”

15)”She’s doesn’t look like a woman who’s after your money all the time.”

16) “There’s wineberry if you want to use it.”

17) Throwing off the covers.

“What do you need, Mom?”

“Nothing. I just got all these towels and shirts so I thought I’d lay down and rest awhile.”

Lays back down.

18) “I’m so delighted. Thank you. Well, it was an exciting evening.
Put it in the same bag with the chocolates chips and the cayenne cheese pepper.”

19) She was trying to get out of bed another time and when I asked what she was doing she said, clear as a bell, “I’m finishing up acting out my dream.”

“Will you lay back down?” I asked.

“If you’ll give me a little suckle of water,” she replied.

My understandable response, as I gave her a drink was, “I will if you promise never to use the word suckle again!”

It was truly quite a night.

New favorite phrase Mom invented: Fleeby Schemes!

Least favorite word for the rest of my life: Suckle.

Always a delightful adventure, this life.