Seized By Joy
I have had several moments of being gripped by a feeling of complete and utter joy in the last few weeks, and I wanted to commemorate them. If you’ve not had this sort of feeling, it is difficult to explain, but I pray that everyone has had it happen so you know of what I speak.
It’s best described as a welling up of total peace and acceptance and gratefulness, and the enveloping knowledge that I was exactly where and exactly being, what I needed to be. Just writing about it brings tears to my eyes.
The feeling can’t be summoned, at least not by me, at least not yet. It sweeps over me like stepping outdoors on a crisp Autumn afternoon when a warm breeze brushes your face. You breathe out with utter contentment. Heaven, right here.
Two of the moments were at CrossFit:
1) In the midst of this WOD:
Tuesday, October 09 2012
AMRAP in 15 minutes of:
10 Deadlifts (135#/95#)
8 HR Push Ups
12 Box Jumps ( 24″/20″) Game Standards
as I was jumping on the box, I was overwhelmed with so much love and excitement and wonder. I had to let out a huge harruuupp of joy.
2) Then on this day:
Monday, October 15 2012
Row as many meters as you can in 10 minutes
Rest 5 minutes
Do as many burpees as you can in 7 minutes (jumping and touching a target 6 inches over your standing reach)
During the rowing I was suffused with joy, so much so that I broke out into a huge grin, almost laughing with elation. I was grateful that Mehdi, our trainer, didn’t see me because I would have been called out for not working hard enough, based on my euphoria.
The other moments of nirvana were at random times.
1) I wrote about my Tea Time Tuesday joy here.
2) Buds was sharing a vision of our future together, and it included our family being together each day. (While the children were still young, we do know that they will need/want to leave home someday.) The picture he painted was so delicious and enticing, I teared up. I love our life as it is, but the idea of Buds being with us every day is so delightful. It’s one of the reasons I am so excited about The Year of Adventure.
3) When Monkey and I were driving home from Kids’ Tech University, again the suffusion of joy overwhelmed me. Cruising down the highway, with our delightful red-head, on a gorgeous day, talking about what we had seen and learned…nirvana.
Having had a single episode of suffocating anxiety and depression last winter, and now having had many moments of freeing earthly heaven, I’m intrigued by how similar the experiences are in their power and depth. Both came upon suddenly with no warning. Both leave behind traces of their power, like awakening from a dream or nightmare in the dead of night and either relaxing back into the beauty of the dream, or getting up to try and shake the dread of the nightmare.
I don’t know when I’ll have my next “seized by joy,” moment. And I don’t know if the crippling anxiety will ever return, but having been to both the valley and the peak, I’m grateful to walk through the daily meadow, the majority of my time spent looking and working toward the summit.
And one final thought that brings me balanced joy 5 days a week:
