Lifetime PR's

You might not know this about me, but I do CrossFit.

Just kidding. If you've known me ten minutes, you know I do CrossFit.

But what you actually might not know is my lifetime PR's (personal records) for big lifts. How much can I deadlift? Back squat, thruster, front squat...you get the idea.

I know all those numbers. Buddie knows both his numbers and some of my numbers. (He finds numbers very soothing.)

CrossFit has been in our lives for 15 1/2 years. We began in 2010. I began in September, having just turned 40. Buds started in October at 39. (I also started the blog in 2010. I had a lot of energy that year.) Much has happened since 2010 in our world, in our lives, and in our bodies.

Post-workout last week, as our coach was writing the numbers on the board, she asked me, "Was that a PR?" I shook my head "no," because it was not a lifetime PR. I had a 130 pound back squat back in the earlier days, and I have not seen that number in a long time.

Menopause. Menopause kicked me down and I laid on the ground for a fair amount of time, rolling and moaning and crying in frustration. I also had intense joint pain, terrible sleep, my teeth hurt, and I was not always friendly to be around. The most memorable moment for me was flying into a rage because Buddie folded the towels "wrong." I also cried at the gym because my split jerk wouldn't come together the way I wanted. These were not my typical behaviors, and none of them were sustainable if I intended to hang onto my sanity.

After a lot of reading and talking to friends and my doctor, then talking to other doctors and finally finding (paying) a different doctor to listen, I charted a course back that I'm still walking today. Part of that path is knowing my body, this new body, and its strength, weakness, processes, and powers. I do not mourn my pre-menopause body, because this one is amazing, yet I recognize I may not ever get back to a 130 pound back squat. What does that mean for my tracking of PR's going forward?

As Buds and I discussed it, his suggestion that I acknowledge that I am creating new PR's, PM PR's, as it were, (Post-Menopausal) seems like the right choice. The old numbers are of the past, the new numbers are the new goals and way forward.

The rightness of this came to me when I listened to Buds talking a friend who started CrossFit just a few months ago. She's around our age, and this is her first foray into weightlifting.

"Your gains in this first year are going to blow you away," Buds told her. "You build muscle so fast when you are starting out."

That's how I have to think of this. Any gains made now are new gains. I'm rebuilding this body for its next generation. Stronger bones, better balance, fitter heart...it's all power.

The only lifetime PR that truly matters is living as healthfully as I can with dignity and gratitude.