Porch Time

It is finally warm enough for us to enjoy extended time on the porch. We're sitting out here discussing advanced directives, hospice, and what we all want for end of life care. Yessa is tasked with writing her obituary for her Death and Dying class, which has been an interesting process.

This lead me to hunt down one of my obituary iterations, which made me smile.

"Born to JLD and BJMD on August 1, 1970, Ginnie's early life could be summed up by the moment she turned to her mother in the car on the first day of kindergarten and said, "You can stay here. I'll go in alone."

Ginnie loved people and independence. She could talk to anyone, to the bemused headshaking of her children. Making connections, making people feel valued and loved, and looking on the bright side were all traits she valued in herself. Though she loved her time working as an elementary special education teacher, a trainer and motivational speaker, and the HR person at Juice , it was being a friend, an Aunt, and a Mom that mattered most to her.

If you made it into her blog, you knew you had found your way into her heart. And yet, even those people knew not to tell her what to do.

She cooked only for the sake of sustenance or for the great stories that came out of her kitchen mishaps. She was incredibly grateful whenever someone cooked for her.

On February 4, 1994, life changed forever when she was on a blind date with Ben and she saw Buds for the first time. Love at first sight, soul mates, a fairy tale romance, that's what she was headed for when she called him to ask him out on their first date the next day. Married on July 1, 1995, they slow danced their way through the first seven years until Buds finally convinced Ginnie she would be an okay Mom. Monkey, Buster, and Yessa, were the best things that ever happened to her, after meeting Buds; to get to spend her life with the four people who made her be a much better person than she ever planned on being.

If you were her friend, a few family members, or a niece or nephew, she would have died for you. If you didn't like to talk honestly and openly or were incapable of dealing with conflict, she probably didn't have much time for you. If you had ever tried to tell her what to do, you made it onto a list from which it was very difficult to have your name removed.

She wrote this herself in the early morning hours when she couldn't sleep before a trip. She could never sleep well before an adventure because the excitement of the travel burbled up from her soul and kept her awake. Plus she knew Buds would forget something, like his shoes, so she always wanted to get up early to make a list.

Travel, family and friends, and that guy sleeping next to her (snoring next to her), were what mattered. Laughing and connecting and cheering for the children, that's what mattered. Crying with those she loved. Being the friend who showed up when needed. Standing by when the big emotions overwhelmed, that's what mattered to her.

Tell someone you love them today, but also tell them when you are angry or frustrated or hurt. Give them the chance to be their best selves. Forget a pot on the stove, whip up some cream of cinnamon soup, and laugh at yourself.

Love, love, love, and you'll have done it just right."

As Buds and I head off another big trip, I am glad we had some porch time to fill my soul before we leave.