Doing The Right Thing
This was the post to remark upon the end of the theater study Monkey took part in: That’s A Wrap.
Hidden within that post is acknowledgement that something upsetting happened during the last performance. We didn’t want that to overshadow the fantastic job Monkey did throughout the study, so it wasn’t really discussed.
The specifics aren’t important, but here’s the gist:
Another participant encroached on Monkey’s personal space without her permission, causing both physical and emotional pain. He had no ill intentions, and as a participant on the more profound end of the spectrum, Monkey understood what he was probably trying to do, but it was still incredibly upsetting, especially happening in the middle of the final performance where emotions were already taut.
That night of the performance, Monkey simply wanted to be taken home as soon as the event was over. She held herself together, finishing the performance with skill, professionalism, and talent.
She processed the events of that night through discussion with her therapist, Buds and me, and her own rational thinking. When the request for her to fill out a survey about the study came, she was ready to respond honestly, hoping to provide insight that would help improve the study.
The two study leads, after reading the survey, wanted to follow up with her to better understand what had happened, which she was glad to do. That phone call happened on Tuesday of this week.
Yessa and I were driving to Iowa, so we pulled over at a gas station so I could dial in on the call as well.
Monkey handled herself with such grace, honesty, and insight. I could not be more proud of her. She dealt with the two other adults with kindness and ethics, and frankly, they were defensive and didn’t really hear what she was saying.
It was fascinating for me to listen in on, although also very difficult because as a parent it’s a constant balance of supporting, yet wanting to protect. Monkey doesn’t really need my protection any more, but I know she has been hurt by people who haven’t listened when she has self-advocated.
Though Monkey is always my top priority, I felt a little sorry for the folks she was dealing with. Monkey was so rational, so ethical, so understanding, but their self-image and worth is so tied up in this important work they are doing, they needed to come out of the call feeling like they hadn’t done anything wrong. In other words, Monkey was able to understand the perspective of everyone else, they were not able to do the same.
At the end of the call, Monkey and I had a little time for me to make sure she knew she had done a fantastic job, and to reiterate that we are only able to act in the ways we feel are ethical and kind. We do not control other people’s reactions or emotions. Monkey was fantastic, and the people she was talking to were doing their best as well, although their implications that Monkey should have done something different were incorrect.
Life very seldom has easy answers.
And now you know the rest of the story.
