Trash Panda
Lindyne and I are tackling a half-marathon trail walk this weekend. Lindyne hunted it up when the memories of our last half-marathon had faded enough for us to once again say, “It would be fun…”
Not only is the name of the race fantastic. “Trash Panda!” What could be better?! But the folks who put it on are a delightfully relaxed group, which will exactly suit us.
This email came from them this morning, and Lindyne and I realized exactly how perfect this race is for us.
And in case you don’t want to read the very long email, here are my favorite parts:
1) “We are flexible and friendly in most areas except for one. We have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to the treatment of our volunteers. If you are mean or rude to any of these people who are giving up their time on a Saturday to help you have a good time, you will be disqualified from the race and banned from all future races. /rant over”
2) “We have a little implement in our arsenal called the internal thermometer of doom. If you pass out from heat exhaustion, we have to tell the Emergency Room crew just how much your internal organs cooked. That thermometer does NOT go in your mouth, but you’ll be passed out, so you won’t mind that we all got to see your Chamber of Secrets and you won’t mind that there’s no time for us to find the Vaseline to make it go in easier. In short: SLOW DOWN, take in fluids, take in SALT, avoid the internal thermometer of doom.”
3) “Do you have to enjoy yourself? No. You’re just running on a gorgeous trail with some of the best humans in the world and an over-the-top supportive race crew, nothing to enjoy here. You’re running a race called TRASH PANDA. Surely you’re planning to enjoy yourself.”
So send Lindyne and me (and support crew, Fi) good vibes from 9 a.m. Eastern time Saturday until a couple hours after that. We’ve got a list of things to talk about, we are in waaaaayyyyy better shape than we were for the last one, and we know to wear wool socks.
Plus, it’s called “Trash Panda!”
We’re going to have a great time.
Now, the email:
“Whee! It’s almost race day! Y’all ready to get trashy? We sure are! Here’s all the important stuff you need to know in our usual long-winded format…
WHERE’S THE RACE?
It’s on Raccoon Mountain, home of the Trash Panda!
The Raccoon Mountain Pumped Storage Facility is located just west of downtown Chattanooga. While there is no address that you can put into your GPS, Google Maps WILL give you directions if you type in “Raccoon Mountain Pumped Station Dam.”
GPS Coordinates are 35.0444988, -85.4167636
We STRONGLY suggest you use the GPS coordinates, don’t try to wing it with what you think is the correct address. If we had a reliable street address to give you, trust us, we would!
DRIVING DIRECTIONS
Take I-24 to Exit 175
Turn East onto Browns Ferry Road (that’s a left if you’re coming from the West, a right if you’re coming from the East.)
Drive one mile, then turn left onto Elder Mountain Rd.
Drive 1.8 miles, then turn left onto TVA Access Rd.
The start/finish is at Laurel Point, so once you get to the top of the mountain, follow the signs to…you guessed it…Laurel Point. There are a couple of parking lots, but we do expect to end up having to overflow onto the grass at some point, unless there is some major carpooling action going on. We just ask that you do NOT start parking on the grass until all of the paved parking spaces are full. Once one person does it, it seems like everyone behind them follows, and we end up with a bunch of empty paved parking spaces at the bottom. Get creative with how you use the pavement; there’s usually spots to parallel park around the cul de sac and in the lower parking lots that people don’t use. We’re not sure why, because it means you have to walk further. Why would you want to start further?
PACKET PICKUP
Saturday morning starting at 7:30am EASTERN. Manually set that phone, because Raccoon Mountain straddles the time zone like a member of Cirque du Soleil, and because many of you are staying in hotels in Central time. We operate on EASTERN. There is no Friday night packet pickup. (Caveat: one of the reasons this email was delayed is because your coffee mugs aren’t ready yet and we were holding out to see if they’d be done in time to have a Friday night packet pickup. If they get finished up by Thursday, we may add a quick and dirty Friday night packet pickup at REI. WE WILL SEND YOU AN EMAIL once we know if this is happening. If you don’t see an email that says FRIDAY NIGHT PACKET PICKUP then it isn’t happening.)
If you pre-ordered anything, we strongly suggest that you wait until AFTER you are done running to pick it up from the merch tent. There is usually a really long line first thing in the morning. Your pre-order will not get sold out from underneath you, promise.
We cannot set anything up on the mountain until race morning, so while we aspire to be ready to sell extra shirts, hats, coffee mugs, and other fun gear from the greatest race company the world has ever known (that’s us by the way) by the time packet pickup opens, we just never know if all of our volunteers will show up and/or if we’ll have enough time. It’ll definitely be open when you are done running. The merch tent is also where you can register for future Awesomesauce races at a discount and to avoid online registration fees. We accept cash (preferred) or credit cards.
PSST – There’s no such thing as too many hands to help with setup and packet pickup. If you’ve got an extra hour or two of time, we’d love your help! Volunteers earn credit toward future races!
WEATHER
What’s the weather going to be like? Hang on, we’re on the phone to Ma Nature right now, just kidding, it’s September in Tennessee, anything could happen, except for snow. If it rains, we run. If it’s hot, we run. If there is lightning or some other kind of severe weather, we delay. We have never had to cancel a race for weather and we are going to do our absolute best to make sure we have a race, but our first priority is to keep you safe.
Any race day weather-related updates will be emailed to you.
If it rains the day of the race, or any of the days before, the trail might be a little muddy. Don’t wear your pristine white Yeezys. You don’t need trail shoes to do the course, road shoes are fine, barefoot is too if you’re crazy.
RACE DAY SCHEDULE
Did we mention that everything runs on EASTERN time? Because it does.
7:30am – Packet pickup opens. You do not need to print out your confirmation. If you are running with a bunch of friends, you can sacrifice one person to the packet pickup line to pick up everyone’s stuff while the rest visit the restrooms. We don’t need your ID. Just your patient smiling face will do the trick!
8:50am – Awesomesauce Gang photo at the banner on the tall fence near the start line.
8:55am – Your race director Courtney climbs up on the tallest thing we’ll let her get up on to explain the course and the rules. Here’s a preview: You are doing multiple laps, and we are using the rubber band system, which means you’ll grab a rubber band for each lap you do. The number of laps you’ll need for the distance you signed up for will be posted, so you’ll know how many rubber bands you’ll need. We do this so you don’t have to frantically ask someone sitting behind a computer what lap you are on; you can just look down at your wrist. Once you’ve collected all of your full lap rubber bands, you’ll run out to your turnaround spot for your selected mileage (aka a sign on a tree) and then come right back. Please make sure you check in with the finish line table and get a medal before you leave. If you decide to tap out early, first off, let us try to give you a finish time and medal for a shorter distance. You are welcome to go further if you’re feeling good but you will have to pay the difference in race cost (based on the price on the day you registered) before we can give you a medal and a finish time. But no matter what, please let us know so we don’t think you’re wandering the forest.
Courtney might say something else important, we’re not really sure, so please be quiet for five minutes and let her talk because it makes her feel special.
9:00am – The races begin. At 9am. Eastern Time. On the dot. We generally have some late comers, so we’ll probably end up doing a second start at 9:15am and adjust your time. We don’t grade on a curve.
9:02am – Oh shoot! Did we set up the aid station yet? If enough people pitched in to help, of course we did. Please make sure all of your trash goes into the buffet for the raccoons…aka the trash cans. Don’t throw trash on the trail or we’ll all point and ridicule you and we’ll also disqualify you. Pro tip: if you’re not going to drink the entire cup of water/Gatorade/what liquid is in that cup, dump it out on the ground – preferably not directly on the trail – before putting it in the trash cans. There will be pitchers of liquid available if you are running with a refillable bottle/cup/hydration vest/ziploc bag.
Another aid station tip (we’re full of ‘em!) – if you want more of a particular snack than is sitting out at the aid station, pour from one container to the other, or just ask us for a bag and you can fill it on up. For instance, there will be somewhere between 8-12 M&Ms in the little cups. If you want 24 M&Ms, just dump from one cup to the other and leave the empty cup at the table so we can fill it up for someone else to use. Sometimes we just put out the M&Ms in a bowl and have cups next to it for scooping. We like giving the raccoons lots to eat, but we like cutting down on plastic trash as much as we can.
9:17am – Race officials will look up from their crossword puzzles to make sure nobody has finished yet. We might even get the medals out or something at this point.
9:18am-12:59pm – Cowbelling, medal giving-awaying, high five tunneling (only happens if you hop in to be part of the high five tunnel), and general frivolity.
1:01pm – Resume cowbelling, medal giving-awaying, high five tunneling, frivolity.
4:30pm – All runners must be on their last lap by this time. We’re out there partying until the last person comes into the finish, but TVA does lock down the property at night, so we have to be packed up and out before they do that. We will start packing things up at the 8 hour mark, but even if you go a little bit over, we’ll have food and drinks for you at the finish line, and the Awesomesloth medal – the only award we give out – because the person who finishes last works the hardest.
A NOTE ABOUT YOUR GPS WATCH
As we mentioned, Raccoon Mountain does the splits like a cheerleader in Bring It On in two time zones. It’s also loaded up with trees. We measured the course from the ground. We’ve done this course with multiple GPS devices – which measure via satellite – and we’ve come up with all kinds of mileage. Sometimes it’s short, sometimes it’s long. Rest assured that it measures correctly FROM THE GROUND. If you like for your watch to read the exact mileage and your watch comes up short, you’re welcome to keep going; we won’t charge you more. If you come up long, we still won’t charge you more. During our Spring race, if you go in a port-o-potty at a particular aid station, your watch sometimes credits you a mile. The GPS craziness is the sprinkles on top of the race craziness.
A NOTE ABOUT PASSING PEOPLE
This race is open to all speeds of human. We don’t care if you run or walk or prancercize. You are welcome to wear headphones, but please keep one earbud OUT so you can hear people behind you. Please pass on the left and announce that you are doing so. This is also a good time for both you and the person you are passing to say something like, “Wow, you’re doing great!” Because that’s how we roll around here.
In some places on the trail, you can go two people across. Please be aware of people coming up behind you to pass. Be considerate of each other, whether you are the passer or the passee.
There are a couple of sections where there will be runners going in both directions. You get extra points if you high five people in these sections.
A NOTE ABOUT HOW WE DO THINGS
We’re not Ironman or Rock n Roll or any other slick corporate entity. We’re just a bunch of dorks who like to run in a laid back atmosphere. If you have not done an Awesomesauce race before, we will warn you that it might look a little different than what you’re used to. We don’t have sponsors or a big budget; the money you used to register with is the money we use to buy groceries and pay for permits and insurance and port-o-potties and other stuff. You’re not going to get an ugly shirt with a million logos on the back or a made-in-China medal as your race swag. We don’t give awards for anything but last place. We are super laid-back and we liken our races to big group runs where you get an interesting looking necklace at the end. We value camaraderie over competition. We will encourage you to make new friends and smile at strangers and hang out after you’re done running so you can be part of a high five tunnel for other finishers to come into.
We are flexible and friendly in most areas except for one. We have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to the treatment of our volunteers. If you are mean or rude to any of these people who are giving up their time on a Saturday to help you have a good time, you will be disqualified from the race and banned from all future races. /rant over
A NOTE ABOUT ALL THE OTHER THINGS WE’VE BEEN ASKED OR YOU NEED TO KNOW
There will be port-o-potties at the aid station and start/finish and there are bathrooms with toilets that flush near the start/finish. There will even be toilet paper, maybe even quilted, who knows? There’s no need to drop trou on the course. There are never enough bathrooms, it doesn’t matter how many formulas we use to try to predict what your digestive systems will do, so be patient with each other and don’t bang on the doors if someone’s in there for awhile.
You may want bug spray. We’ve been out on the mountain several times over the past few weeks and haven’t come home with ticks or mosquito bites but some of you are extra sweet and the buggies like you, or you’re extra paranoid and send us lots of emails asking, so spray away if you want.
Yes, the course is marked. You don’t need a compass. There will be flagging on the trees and pin flags in the ground, along with a sign or two. If you’ve done our Spring race, it will be marked slightly differently than you’re used to seeing but we think you’ll find it just as amusing. We mark about every 100 feet, which earns us a minimum of two irate emails from other trail users every year, who say we overdo it and they hate our guts. But we also have lots of first time trail runners who are terrified of getting lost and a permit that says we can tie ribbons on every tree if we want to. If you stop seeing flags and signs, chances are good you’re no longer on the course. There are a couple of tricky spots, so if you see signs with arrows, pay attention to them, okay?
The course isn’t particularly hilly or difficult, but there are some hills in places. You can walk up them or run up them, and on the down side you can throw your arms out like an airplane and make that noise your mom made when she fed you when you were a baby and pretend you are flying. Please don’t actually try to fly.
There is basic first aid at both of the aid stations. There will also be salt pills and Vaseline and duct tape and some other stuff. Courtney is the master blister popper/foot taper upper/pep talker/tough love giver and will be happy to assist you if you need her; just ask a volunteer where she’s at. If you are feeling faint or “off”, we’d rather you sit down and let us help you rather than pass out on the trail from dehydration. We want you to get to the finish line, even if it’s a little slower than you originally intended. Salt is your friend in warm weather. If we are concerned for your safety, we reserve the right to pull you from the race.
We have a little implement in our arsenal called the internal thermometer of doom. If you pass out from heat exhaustion, we have to tell the Emergency Room crew just how much your internal organs cooked. That thermometer does NOT go in your mouth, but you’ll be passed out, so you won’t mind that we all got to see your Chamber of Secrets and you won’t mind that there’s no time for us to find the Vaseline to make it go in easier. In short: SLOW DOWN, take in fluids, take in SALT, avoid the internal thermometer of doom.
Our aid station is kind of like a buffet, and we keep our volunteers busy keeping everything stocked, so it is a self-service situation. There will be fruit, salty snacks, sweet snacks, energy gels (if you must), little spoons with scoops of peanut butter on them (we’re not kidding), pickles and pickle juice, and we’ll probably have something to drink too.
No, we don’t know what it’s like to have too many volunteers. If you’d like to come early to help with setup or packet pickup, or stay late to help with cleanup, or help out at an aid station after getting your medal, or you have a kid/friend/spouse who would like to do any of those things, we’ve got a credit for a future race with your name on it based on the number of hours you help out. When you see Mark or Amy or Szilvia, who had no idea we were going to mention them in this email and may not actually appreciate a bunch of strangers coming up to them acting like they know them, ask them how many races of ours they’ve paid for this year; they help all the time and so they run for free. That volunteer/race credit thing works on all of our races, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, and the credit your non-running friend earns can be transferred to you.
Post-race food will include fruit, snacks, fruit snacks, and whatever else we decide you might want to eat after running. We’re the grandmotherly type who want to make sure you have a full tummy all.the.time. so we promise you won’t go hungry.
Results will be up by Sunday. Emailing us asking when they’ll be up will make them take longer. There will be a results tab on the runsignup page where they will magically appear. If yours look off, a quick email is all it takes for us to fix them.
Do you have to enjoy yourself? No. You’re just running on a gorgeous trail with some of the best humans in the world and an over-the-top supportive race crew, nothing to enjoy here. You’re running a race called TRASH PANDA. Surely you’re planning to enjoy yourself.
IF YOU’VE MADE IT THIS FAR
No, really, we’d love some packet pickup and race setup help. Just show up early and tell us you’re there to help. Or hang out afterward and help us hand out medals and write down finish times. It’s been a crazy summer for our chick in charge and for whatever reason literally everything for this race has been delayed and she got swamped with that, so she didn’t send out the emergency APB for volunteers like she normally does.
Love you, mean it, travel safely, see you soon.”
