Buster Hair
Lots of hair flying around here.
Uncle George spent a couple hours with us at Grandma’s house on our recent visit. I always love to see my brother, and I love to see how my crew interacts with him. Uncle George is a huge tease, but he really works to get to know my crew, asks great questions, pushes them to share their ideas and thoughts, and anything he thinks, he’ll say.
Uncle George also has a pretty clear set of social mores he thinks should be followed. It’s been tough for him to wrap his mind around Buds and me not needing to control Buster’s hair. He was telling Buster how much he loved his short hair on the Italy trip.
Buster’s hair hadn’t been cut since Italy, so over a year since the last time I cut it. And when we saw Uncle George, he began a campaign to convince Buster it was time to snip, snip, snip.
The great thing about George is that he’s a safe person for my kids to learn how to stand up for themselves with. I have, and would, step in with anyone who was bullying or crossing over a line with my crew, but Uncle George really is interested and cares about them. He doesn’t always understand our life or the decisions we’ve made as a family, but he’s not judgmental (or he hides it well.)
At first it was just questions about the hair, but once the children were sharing their plans for their allowance, and Uncle George learned that The Buster was in debt to Monkey for three months of allowance, he saw a potential lever.
“Buster, I’ll give you $100 to cut your hair.”
Thus began an hour long conversation/debate/bargaining/mediation.
Buster has a very strong sense of self and his preferences. And he hates having his hair cut for a variety of sensory/pain reasons. It was completely his decision, though both Buds and I mentioned how good it would feel to get out of debt, and that if he played Uncle George just right, this could be a money-maker for years to come.
Eventually the bargaining reached Uncle George’s offer to give Buster 12 months of allowance in return for a “boy” hair cut, meaning above the ears on the sides, and above the collar on the back.
We video conferenced with Buds so he could be in on the fun, funny discussion, and finally a deal was struck.
The next morning, we headed out to Grandma’s garage with a pair of sharp scissors, a spray bottle, and a comb.
We could have gone to a salon to have it done, but Buster would prefer I cut his hair, no matter how imperfectly.
Before:
If you have hair cutting skills, don’t watch the video because it will traumatize you.
My goal was to complete the process as quickly and painlessly as possible, and we got the job done.
It will need to be straightened with the clippers at home, but we both survived, and he’s out of debt.
We look even more alike now:
One other aspect of this whole story that I loved was the chance for the kids and me to discuss gender norms. Uncle George has a definite sense of what a “boy” haircut should be. (I should have asked George to share the story of our dad’s threat to cut off the “tail” he grew in his hair when we were younger. That was you, right, George? Or was that David?)
This whole interaction was a good discussion about what our family believes; how Uncle George wouldn’t have made this offer to either of the girls because girls can have long or short hair; what messages society as a whole sends to boys and girls; and how you learn to stand up for yourself and what you believe. And it was a great chance to talk about having respectful differences in opinion and beliefs from people you love, yet you still love them.
It was a fun visit, and I’m so grateful my brother makes time to get to know our kids. And now Buster can grow his hair for another year. Who knows how much a haircut will be worth to Uncle George in a year?!
