Body Talk
It took many years, but one of my biggest fears finally came home to roost last week. One of the children looked at me with the eyes I adore and the soul I cherish and said, “I wish I was skinny.”
It pains me too much to go into details about why I think this comment came from this child at this time, but suffice it to say my mind was sent spinning. Buds and I have spent so much time and thought working to raise emotionally strong, self-confident children. We’ve put effort into trying to keep food as a non-issue, recognizing their abilities of all types, and never comparing children-at least in front of them.
Still and all, the rest of the world doesn’t see the value of my child’s soul that I do. The world puts so much value in outward appearance. The world is designed to mold everyone into a certain type, and it takes character of a special blend of steel to stand firm against that spirit-killing mold.
My response to this child was balanced and loving: “In our family we care about power and strength.” “You are funny and clever and wonderful.” “What do you mean by ‘skinny’?” “I love who you are and how you look.”
But these are just words, and words didn’t seem to give too much comfort to this child as the tears flowed.
So I let the subject drop…hoping…praying…it would go away.
And it came up again a few days later.
“I wish I was (insert other person’s name here).”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because she’s skinny.”
Another tear in my heart. Another glimpse into the little tower of torment this child is building inside.
Buds is very, very good at helping me see when I’m bringing my own baggage into a discussion about a child. So I talked with him to get his perspective on how to address this, knowing that on this topic my view is clouded.
Even with his clearer sight, Buds also is stumped. The people the child is hearing these comments from are people who love her and who wouldn’t intentionally hurt her. They are just saying what they’ve heard or seen or been told. It doesn’t help to get angry with them, though in some ways it would be a relief to scream about the faulty messages the world is sending.
So I did what I do.
I bought some books on body image. And we’ll read those and talk about them. Buds will continue wrestling and playing and demonstrating the physicality that we love as a family.
And I’ll pray and hope and pray some more that the little tiny seed that was planted won’t grow into a full-blown issue but instead will wither from lack of water, warmth, and light. If it does grow into more, we’ll seek help.
For now, the thing we can all do is make sure we are loving our own bodies and enjoying our own bodies and changing the world into a place that values the character of the soul, not the smoothness of the skin. No comments, no compliments, no “encouragement.” Just let the child be a child.
Please God, let this heal.
