Europe Trip #1 – April 3, 2022 – Bank Shot

[This is a repost because the original got deleted somehow]

Here’s my memory of how it happened.

No. No.

Let me give you the feelings, because the words aren’t that important, aren’t ultimately consequential.

Sipping that uniquely thick Illy espresso at Eataly when the question comes… then annoyance in my eyes, anger showing on my face.

“That’s not what I said…”

Flat affect: “Ok, but that’s not what I heard.”

I reacted to what I heard. I can only react to what I hear. My bubble of space-and-time, inputs coming in, time moves forward. A leads to B, you can’t substitute C for A in the past. I can only react to what I hear, to what I heard.

Now time’s pulled like taffy, pulled and twisted and looped. Slow taffy time.

Hurt and shock. “I wouldn’t say that.”

Hooboy, this is bad. Stay calm and cool, straight forward into it, though still a little angry, hurt. Big eyes glistening, the set lips hiding behind the mask. Arguing can’t work but why do I want to. Yet that’s not what I heard. And how will that help?

Oops she’s up and gone, striding out.

Actually good, I don’t want to be here in this taffy-time place where the hidden words hurt and the what can you say won’t be the what can be heard. Where the hurts are close enough to the surface that you need only swing a pickaxe the ground and the gushers of hurt and insecurities can come fountaining out.

Chasing her down the street, yes-yes aware of the humorous rom-com parallels.

Stop and talk under an awning with the soft Munich snow falling around.

And we make it right and laugh.

I try to explain. Imagine you’re in a kitchen, bubbling pots on the stove; and meals go out in 3 minutes. Assemble from this symphony of smells and sizzles the right dishes in the right order. I could do this (or I can imagine I can).

Mommie2zs wouldn’t know where to start. But that was my feeling when the weight of this emotional day came crashing down and the words had to be just right.

Watch out for the bank shot that can sneak through. When you’re both tired and the insecurities run closer to the surface.