Morning Musings
Much of what I write here is for my future memory-challenged self. I was looking back at old posts this week, and so many of them are totally new stories to me. Delightful stories, about my family, written by me, that I do not remember.
For that future self, some recent conversations:
1) Buster has been popping in to see us every night after we have been asleep to let us know his latest Beat Saber progress for that evening.
I love when he does this. And we had such an awesome conversation the other night, I wrote it down so that my morning self would remember it.
“Mom, I’m feeling anxious because one of the VR controllers isn’t working right. I took video and I’ll send it to you so that you can see how strangely it is acting. I’m going to try and fix it, but if I can’t, I’m not sure what we’ll do.”
My response, “Fixing it sounds good, but if you can’t we’ll get another one.”
Brief silence.
“I appreciate how comforting you’re being about this, but I’m not sure you understand how expensive a controller is.”
“How expensive are they?”
“About $150.”
“Okay, well I was guessing $159 in my head, so we’re all good.”
Total silence.
Then a huge sigh of relief.
Then a big, sweaty hug.
He’s fixed the controller, so it wasn’t an issue, but to know that he had a concern weighing on his heart and he brought it to me. That’s my heart.
2) This morning, on our 5:10 a.m. drive to CrossFit, I said to Buds, “Does it feel like too much pressure when I tell you that I miss you when we aren’t together?”
His response, “It doesn’t feel like too much pressure, but sometimes I’m thinking, ‘Get behind me, Witch,’ because being with you is my favorite thing in the world and I still have to go deal with my duties.”
That man knows how to husband.
3) Yessa and I were hiking this morning, and I realized I don’t care for hiking alone because each man who walks by brings a small feeling of anxiety. But as a white guy walked by with a funny look on his face, I thought, “You attempt to touch my child and I will break you.”
I would.
And I deserve that same sense of surety in my own head. I would fight to the death for myself, too.
I hope it never comes to a death-match in the woods for any of us, but I like to think through the possibilities.
4) Finally, as Monkey gears up for taking online courses, I’ve been watching to see where/if she needs support or help. This is a new learning environment for her, and I wasn’t sure how it would go.
Yesterday when I asked her about one of the essays she had to complete, and she told me nonchalantly, “Oh, I already turned that in.” I knew things are going to be all right.
