What To Do...
A friend from college has a 15 y.o. daughter who went through cancer this last year. Amy (my friend) just wrote an eloquent list of the ways that people helped support them as they went through treatment. I’m so grateful she wrote out these wonderful ideas because I am often searching for something to do, and can never think of anything besides offering to bring dinner.
So many people stepped up to offer support and help when Dad was in his final days. I had to learn for ask for help, which wasn’t difficult with the amazing family we have, but even knowing what to ask for was sometimes difficult. This list helps me so much.
Good stuff. 15 year old daughter diagnosed last year (AML) My book club immediately organized and paid for a house-cleaning service; it was practical help; and it did truly lift my spirits to walk into a clean house every other week; and also when daughter was able to come home between rounds of treatment, it felt like a much cleaner and safer environment. In similar fashion, my college friends rallied and organized/paid for yard care service — both of these things were a mental relief for me and quite uplifting. My daughter’s aunts and uncles joined forces and gave her an iPad so that she could stay connected while in the hospital; a local organization upgraded her phone — these were huge and helped her stay connected to friends. When she felt up to it, her friends would come to the hospital and just sit with her; sometimes they brought games — sometimes they just sat and talked. Always and forever I will think of these friends as life’s true treasures.
AND MORE: sometimes my mom friends would text me and say “we just had X for dinner and have leftovers, can I bring you meet you in the hospital waiting room with some of this food in tupperware”
MY WORK COLLEAGUES came and simply sat with me in the cafeteria as I got my work done and they did theirs. It helped me stay on task and was so reassuring — just their presence.
Owner of local yoga studio handed me a pass and said “just drop in any time — take care of you.” Director of a locally owned and fantastic art house theatre handed me passes and said “get out when you can; get together with friends; and if possible, take your kids to the movies” — it was perfect.
Other friends and colleagues started an online “We Love Zoe” fund so that bills were less of a worry. Even beyond the dollars (which were oh so appreciated) when donations were made, donators left notes. I read and re-read those comments; they were so re-assuring and provided so much hope.
My sister came by the hospital every day; and it seems that every day she brought me lunch.
This is just the tip of the iceberg — I think the biggest thing was NOT to ask “hey, what can we do to help” but to just do something.
One more…sorry this list is so long…A good friend at her HS (she was a freshman) right away designed a t-shirt to sell as a show of support and as a fund-raiser. I remember on a particularly difficult day when I drove to pick up some soup that sounded to Zoe like something she could eat that as I got out of the car, one of her friends was standing in the parking lot wearing that “keep swimming forward” shirt — I’m not sure I ever felt as overwhelmed with love and gratitude as I did that very moment.
And the blog post that inspired Amy to write out the above list was from here: 7 Things To Do When Someone You Love Is Diagnosed With Cancer.
Finally, you’ve all read about my beloved friend Schmilly who died on November 12. Her husband Jason continues to write at her blog: Soon-To-Be-Survivor. The love and eloquence with which Jason writes has brought me so much. It makes me want to be a better person, just as the way Schmilly lived did.
He curses, a lot, because life is still an open raw wound, but that is overshadowed by the love. He writes the way I’d hope to if life gave me the blistering gifts he’s been given.
