An Easy Life Vs. An Enriched One
I sent Buds this article to get his insight: Why Great Husbands Are Being Abandoned.
In case you don’t want to take time to read the article, which is a fine decision, I will tell you we both disliked the article, but it did lead to an interesting discussion.
(Huge caveat: For my loved ones who read this blog who are single, do not believe that I think your lives have less value or meaning than mine. You, too, have chosen lives of growth and outreach. I am referring to the simple-minded belief of the author in the article that seems to indicate people are leaving solid relationships for no good reason.)
For us, it came down to this: Without question, if you want a simpler or easier life, then not being married, and certainly not having children, is the choice you make. (I’m speaking of people with similar socio-economic choices to ours. If you are in a lower socio-economic setting, having shared finances will probably make life easier.)
If you want a better life, then your choice is entirely different. The joy and purpose and strength that I have found from having a life partner and in our case, children, has changed everything. My life was ever so much easier before, and impoverished in comparison to what it is now. Learning and growing with Buds has expanded my world in unimaginable ways. Having children has caused growth that at times has been painful and challenging, and I would not trade a mili-second of the time with them.
The girls and I have been discussing the pain of growth lately. Monkey’s back pain has been distressing on so many levels, yet she has the depth of character, and the broken arm experience, to give her some distance to help her see that good will come even from this difficult time.
Yessa also has dealt with this, just last night, in fact. She had Friend Julia stay overnight, and after the family movie, when it was time to head to bed, Julia decided she wanted to go home. She was in tears, and Yessa ran to find me. We assured her that we understood and going home was totally fine. Yessa was herself in tears as she told Julia about the time she was trying to stay overnight with a friend, and when she decided she wanted to go home, the friend tried to guilt-trip her into staying. Yessa still feels the pain and embarrassment of having to push through that friend’s disregard of her feelings.
Hence, last night, she was able to give Julia loving support, despite her disappointment that they wouldn’t wake up in the same room the next morning, ready to play. Yessa’s painful experience gave her the gift of empathy.
That’s one of the largest insights of parenting for me: staying out of the way and allowing our children the opportunity for growth and failure and difficulty…that’s hard. But without those opportunities, their growth would be stunted.
The goal isn’t an easy life, the goal is a life filled with growth and love and strength. That sort of life can happen if you are single, partnered, rich or poor, but it is a choice. A better life, not an easy one.
